Finding The Diamonds in the Shit........... A Different Way of Looking at Life’s Hardest Experiences

There is a phrase I often use with my clients that tends to get a good laugh when they hear it the first time around but really seems to resonate and shift things a little bit for them.  I tell them to “Keep on finding those diamonds in the shit”.  This language is not meant to be crude or used just for the sake of being crude.  It is meant to acknowledge something profoundly human.  Life is messy.  Sometimes it is heartbreaking, sometimes it is unfair, and sometimes it simply hurts.  Pretending otherwise doesn’t help us heal.  But if all we ever see is the mess, we risk not noticing the beautiful things that can still be found within it…moments of unexpected kindness, hard earned wisdom, moments of noticing our courage, deeper connections, or even noticing a strength we did not know we possessed.  These are those diamonds that exist, even when we are living within one of the shitstorms that life inevitably throws our way.  They do not erase the pain, but they remind us that pain is never the whole story.

Now, the first and perhaps most important thing I want to share is this….finding the diamonds is not the same thing as pretending the shit doesn’t exist or minimizing our experience.  Not at all.  There are moments in life that deserve our grief, anger, disappointment, and tears.  There are experiences that change us in ways we never would have chosen.  Finding the diamonds is not about putting a positive spin on painful circumstances or trying to convince ourselves that everything happens for a reason, if that is not what we believe.  It is not about forcing gratitude before we are ready or denying the reality of what we have lived through.  It is about allowing two truths to exist at the same time.  It’s saying this hurts and there still something here worth noticing. One of the reasons this concept can be difficult to grasp is because our brains are naturally wired with what is called a negativity bias.  It is wired to notice what is wrong.  From an evolutionary standpoint that makes perfect sense.  Our ancestors survived because they paid attention to danger.  Our brains became incredibly skilled at scanning for threats, problems, and potential harm.  While that instinct once kept us alive, it can also leave us believing that the painful parts of our lives are the only parts that deserve our attention.  Finding diamonds doesn’t have us ignore reality, it just helps us balance what our brain naturally emphasizes.

The truth is, what we focus on tends to grow in our awareness and then shapes our experience. Not because it changes reality, but because it changes how completely we experience reality. If all we focus on is the pain, the pain will be all we see. But when we intentionally pause to notice what else is present, not instead of the pain but alongside it, we begin to create a more complete picture. We begin seeing reality more completely.  In doing so, we remind ourselves that while life may feel incredibly difficult, it is not made up entirely of suffering. That broader perspective does not erase our pain, but can soften its grip, strengthen our resilience, and help us keep moving forward.Something important to note here is that not all diamonds are easy to find.  Some of them are big honkers, but more often than not - especially during difficult times - they are only tiny little chips that take attention and intention to find.  Another thing to note, is that what appears as a diamond for one person, may not for another.  Sometimes it is the kindness of a stranger, noticing the support of family and friends, or a moment of laughter that unexpectedly finds its way into an otherwise difficult day.  Sometimes it is realizing that we asked for help when we would have once struggled doing that or discovering that we set a boundary that feels healthy to us.  Sometimes it is recognizing courage, resilience, compassion, or patience within ourselves.  Sometimes it’s noticing a pretty flower. Sometimes it’s acknowledging we made it through the day.  And sometimes, if I am being completely honest, we may not be able to find any diamond at all.

We do not have to rush ourselves into meaning.  We do not have to force ourselves to see beauty before we are ready. Often, the diamonds reveal themselves over time, sometimes months or even years after the storm has passed. Perhaps the greatest diamond of all is not something we find around us, but rather what we discover within ourselves. That doesn’t mean we are happy the shitstorm happened, but instead that we are simply noticing a thing of beauty that sprouted within the storm itself.

Life has a way of changing us.  Sometimes it leaves scars and sometimes it leaves wisdom.  Sometimes it strips away the parts of us that were never truly ours to reveal a gift….. a strength, a resilience, a skill, or even an outlook we could never have imagined before.The shitstorm may be a part of our story, but it does not get to write the ending.

Wherever you find yourself today, whether you are standing in a gentle drizzle or weathering the fiercest storm of your life, I hope you’ll keep looking. Not because the pain isn’t real, but because it is not the whole story. 

So I encourage you........keep on finding those diamonds in the shit, because sometimes the smallest shift in perspective can create the biggest change in how we experience our lives.