Uncovering the Essence of Living Authentically

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment”.           – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever stopped to think about what it means to live authentically, or even gone one step further to truly contemplate how much of the way you live your life is authentic to yourself?

Although the concept of living authentically may be somewhat straight forward, living in authenticity can be trickier than one might think.  It means living your life according to your own values, goals, wants and needs, rather than those of others.  Why is this so tricky?  Because between the impacts of our surroundings mixed in with the power of our subconscious mind, many people have lost touch with what are their own wants and needs, often mistaking those of others as their own.

Who we are authentically is on the inside; it is who we are at our very core.  Living authentically is how we live when we can shut off the voices and expectations of those around us.  Environment (people, expectations of others, unrealistic expectations of ourselves, culture, society, etc.) can change how we show up, and I believe this is most often (if not always) due to fear; the fear of fitting in, the fear of what others think, fear of being judged, fear of rejection, fear of not reliving past hurts, fear of losing relationships, fear of standing up to others, etc., etc., etc..  And this fear can shape or have impact on what we decide is important to us, what we believe we want and need, and how we believe we should be showing up.  Then we are surprised when we feel so misaligned or dissatisfied with our lives.

Living authentically is freeing when we get there but can be incredibly scary and confusing along the way.  It often has us feeling we are going against the grain and can involve difficult work in the beginning to set a different and more solid foundation through exposing our bare bones without the frills.  It requires being vulnerable because authentic behaviour does not change depending on who you are with; it is the owning of all that you are no matter who you are with, and this can be challenging when we crave and seek external approval and validation, and believe security comes from that praise and a sense of control.

So why is this work important if it can create discomfort along the way?  Think of this as short-term pain for long term gain.  When we live from a place of authenticity it can bring a sense of wholeness.  We are no longer as fragmented, showing different parts of ourselves to different people.  When we choose to live authentically, we are also taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions, no longer giving that power away to someone else.  We show up as we are and stay true to what is important to us, no matter what anyone else says.  Knowing who we are and accepting that whole heartedly can lead to greater life satisfaction and fulfillment, increased self-confidence, deeper and more meaningful relationships, and a greater sense of inner peace and well-being.

Now let me be very clear.  Living authentically should never be used as an excuse to just run amok and do whatever we want.  We are living human lives in relationship to others.  This means that we always need to be mindful and consider the impacts of our decisions as well.  After all, relationships are give and take and there is always reaction to our actions.  Rigidness can lead to breakdown of relationships around us, so the key is determining what honors our own needs while also being mindful of the relationships we deem as important to us.  This is why walking this walk with an outside person you trust, be it a therapist, a close friend, or family member that you trust and who can remain neutral can be helpful.

In a world where we can be anything, perhaps the best place to start is just being ourselves.